Dr. Johnson's Cat

We've Moved!

2008-07-06T15:22:00.001-04:00

Dr. Johnson's Cat has Moved! Our new site is http://www.chrishodge.org/blog/. Please join us there.

Getting Back on the Horse Mouse

2007-06-23T22:00:00.000-04:00

Stupidity consists in a desire to conclude.. Flaubert.

One does not stack.
It would be like
a mouse on the back
of a mouse
ona mouse's back.
Courses of mice,
layers of shivers
and whiskers,
a wobbling tower
mouse-wide.
with nothing more
than a mouse inside.
Kay Ryan. On the Difficulty of Drawing Oneself Up.

[Raymond Pettibon. No title (How is the author). 1992.]

Thanksgiving Prayer

2006-11-23T09:50:00.000-05:00

Why Did It Take Me So Long To Find This?

2006-11-22T13:27:00.001-05:00

The Body Modification Community blogs.

All Politics Are Local Fucked

2006-11-21T21:36:00.000-05:00

Healing Iraq is one of my new favorite blogs, written by a 24-year-old dentist in Baghdad who was recently interviewed on NPR. Most of the news I hear from Iraq seems random to me, in part I think because I have no way to place the information. That's why I especially like Dr Zeyad's maps, such as the one above, picturing the incidence of mass abductions in Baghdad.

Support for the Great Adventure continues to erode. One advisor who rarely met a bomb he didn't like has doubts about this one, and the Lap Dog may have said something about a disaster. The Rats continue to jump ship, and apparently even the True Believers are thinking maybe they got on the wrong boat.Every indication is that both the foreign Bush and the domestic Bush are firmly ensconced in their hardened plastic bubble. Seymour Hersh continues to report that the Administration plans to attack Iran in spite of teh intelligence. Amnesty International is reporting that the military wants to spend $75-125 million on a legal compound at Gitmo where they can conduct trials which the Supreme Court has already declared illegal. At home, the USDA has reclassified the 11 million Americans who go hungry as suffering from "very low food security": 12 percent of Americans — 35 million people — cannot not put food on the table at least part of last year. The Pentagon has just reclassified homosexuality from a mental disorder to a defect, similar to bedwetting and a fear of flying. (Presumably this will make gays strong enough for Today's Army.)

The ~~insurgents~~ realists may be making headway though. (See if you can tell the difference between the real news story and the parody.) And of course, there's always the Nucular Option.

White rednecks…didn’t show up to vote for us."Rep. Adam Putnam (R-FL)

Bush is bragging about how he allowed elections to take place, but he seems to have missed maybe what the voters were saying. Just days after the elections, for example, Eric Keroack, a Marblehead, Massachusetts, obstetrician and gynecologist, was appointed to oversee the federal Office of Population Affairs. Keroack currently is medical director of A Woman's Concern, a Christian nonprofit organization that works to "help women escape the temptation and violence of abortion" and opposes contraception, saying its use increases out-of-wedlock pregnancy and abortion rates. (Note to Bush: the anti-realist wingnuts lost.)

"There's something painfully ironic about Trent Lott being named 'minority whip'." Robert A. George

We also got the bad news that the former shit-faced Senator from Pennsylvania won't be running for President in 2008, which leaves us only one choir boy left to mock —for now — mole-lipped Adonis John Edwards.

Of course, 2008 is nothing compared to 2010 .

Real hope does remain. Last weekend, 22,000 at the gates of Fort Benning, human rights activists arrested for taking the protest to close the School of the Americas onto the military base. “We’re training Iraqis to attack us,” said Jesus Bocanegra, a veteran of the Iraq war, relating that many of the Iraqi insurgents learn new military tactics in similar training schools to the SOA that the U.S. military has established for the Iraqi army, and then use them against US forces.

Wow.

2006-11-20T10:05:00.000-05:00

INHOFE: Now look, God’s still up there. We still have these natural changes, and this is what’s going on right now. New science comes out. I had a news conference yesterday, Brian, and the reason I did is because we were going to go over to Nairobi, take a bunch of scientists to get the true science over there, only to find out that the registration had dropped off. Almost no media was over there. So we had the same news conference yesterday right here in Washington, D.C.

We had all these scientists and all of them came to the conclusion, yes, part of the globe is warming. Let’s keep in mind, now, the southern hemisphere has never been warming and changing in the last 25 years. The last time I checked that’s part of the globe.

But if the northern hemisphere is warming up, it’s not due to manmade gases. And that’s what these people all come to the conclusion. And yet the other side, the far left, the George Soros, the Hollywood elitists, the far left environmentalists on the committee that I chair — all of them want us to believe the science is settled and it’s not.

By the way, there’s all kinds of new things. Gretchen, you’ll enjoy this. Get your violin out and get ready. They came out with a great discovery just a few weeks ago. And this came from the geophysical research letters and you know what they said? Hold on now! They said the warming is due to the sun. Isn’t that remarkable?

GRETCHEN: Wow.

(Video courtesy of Think Progress)

Supertelevangelistic sex-and-drugs psychosis

2006-11-20T08:51:00.000-05:00

Pastor Ted's indiscretion leads to new dating service. US Conference of Catholic Bishops release "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy for gays in the Church; Pope and S.O. may be forced back in closet. Jews, Christians and Muslims unite to condemn gay rights march, rally in Jerusalem. Pat Robertson declares uniquivocally that Allah, Brahma, Shiva, Vishnu, Buddha definitely demons. (Video courtesy of Crooks and Liars.) Final resting place of Jesus Christ discovered in Shingō, Japan (pictured above).

MyTube

2006-11-19T21:46:00.000-05:00

(From the top left corner, βουστροφηδόν). The Discovery Channel:
Edison Phonogram Recording 1892. ESPN: Skateboarding Girls (via boingboing). The Weather Channel: Thunderstorm. Frontline: Iraqi Death Squads (Channel 4; via Healing Iraq). MTV: David Armand and Natalie Imbruglia perform "Torn" at the Amnesty International Secret Policeman's Ball, 2006 (via attu sees all); "Zizi, La Twisteuse" by Jack Glen & Les Glenners (via Bedazzled); "The Big Picture" by Y Kant Tori Read (featuring Tori Amos) (via Andrew Sullivan); and "Little Superstar" covers Usher's "Yeah!" (via ze frank). Cartoon Network: Hedgehog in the Fog by Yuriy Norshteyn, The Little Girl Giant, and Baginski's Fallen Art (all via ze frank). Station Signoff: the late Ruth Brown sings "Teardrops From My Eyes" (via Bedazzled ).

Weekly News in Review

2006-07-23T18:40:00.000-04:00

Bush squanders opportunity to attack NAACP.
Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice: "We do seek an end to the current violence, and we seek it urgently. More than that, we also seek to address the root causes of that violence, so that a real and endurable peace can be established."
Fox Anchor Steve Doocy: "Shockingly, after they’ve been plucked out of Beirut, a lot of them are whining and complaining that, you know what, I had to sleep on the concrete and they didn’t have any food for me to eat."
Sen. James Inhofe (R-OK): "[Global warming] is a hoax."
Sen. Rick Santorum (R-PA): "Most scientists unfortunately ..... feel very little moral compulsion."

Only 128 of 400,000 frozen embryos have been brought to term.
Dr. Kent Hovind, founder of Creation Science Evangelism and Dinosaur Adventure Land has been indicted on 58 federal charges, including falsifying bankruptcy documents, filing a false and frivolous lawsuit and complaints against the IRS, destroying records, threatening to harm IRS investigators; 12 of the charges are for failing to pay employee-related taxes. "Nobody's an employee, and they all know that when they come. They come, they work ..... The laborer is worthy of his hire — we try to take the purely scriptural approach. We do the best we can with helping people with their family needs. There are no employees here." Pleads subornation of false muster.
The Department of Education reports that children attending public schools generally do as well as or better than comparable children in private schools. The report, which compared fourth- and eighth-grade reading and math scores from nearly 7,000 public schools and more than 530 private schools in 2003, also found that conservative Christian schools lagged significantly behind public schools when it came to eighth-grade math.
Congressional Republicans propose $100 million on vouchers for low-income students in chronically failing public schools around the country to attend private and religious schools.
"The real underlying issue is that fundamentalism in the Southern Baptist form is incompatible with higher education."

Lawmakers accused the Bush administration Thursday of rushing a sale of F-16 fighter jets to Pakistan, saying Congress' role in approving arms sales had been compromised. The compressed timetable "represents a deliberate and wholly inappropriate maneuver by the State Department to diminish the Congress' lawful oversight of arms sales," said GOP Rep. Henry Hyde of Illinois, chairman of the House International Relations Committee.
A study of the Associated Press Newswire for 2004 finds a significant correlation between the likelihood of a death receiving coverage and the nationality of the person killed.
A farmer in Russia has asked Vladimir Putin to allow him to marry a cow. Boris Gabov, from Kemerovo, posed the question in a webcast in which people could ask Putin anything. "All the girls have left our small village, so I cannot find a woman to be with. But I love animals very much."
Amnesty International accused Yahoo, Microsoft and Google on Thursday of violating human rights principles by cooperating with China's efforts to censor the Web. "The Internet should promote free speech, not restrict it. We have to guard against the creation of two Internets -- one for expression and one for repression," said Larry Cox, executive director of Amnesty's U.S. branch, in a statement.
The Tennessee Bureau of Investigation has been called in to help solve a cross-burning at the East Tennessee home of a gay man three weeks ago. A cross six to eight feet tall was burned in the front yard of the home Brandon Waters shares with his mother in the Ten Mile community.

House of Representatives debate same-sex marriage. "This is probably the best message we can give to the Middle East in regards to the trouble we are having over there right now," said Rep. Phil Gingrey (R-Ga.).
A 24-year-old Army reservist from Oxford, Michigan gets a gay roommate in San Francisco's Castro district as part of TV reality show 30 Days "I thought that gay people were not the same as me, but I learned that they are exactly like me — nice, friendly and smart people,"Ryan Hickmott says now.
Pentagon lets sensitive military gear be sold as surplus.
Two years ago, hundreds of residents of rural Idaho, Montana and Oregon were tapped on the shoulder by Uncle Sam and pulled out of their ordinary lives to become full-time soldiers.
Alan Dershowitz argues that not all civilian deaths are equal. "There is a vast difference — both moral and legal — between a 2-year-old who is killed by an enemy rocket and a 30-year-old civilian who has allowed his house to be used to store Katyusha rockets ..... the recognition that 'civilianality' is often a matter of degree, rather than a bright line, should still inform the assessment of casualty figures in wars involving terrorists, paramilitary groups and others who fight without uniforms — or help those who fight without uniforms.

God's army has plans to run the whole Middle East, according to news fabricator Amir Taheri.
Baghdad starts to collapse as its people flee a life of death. A senior nurse at Yarmouk hospital on the fringes of west Baghdad’s war zone said that he was close to being overwhelmed. “On Tuesday we received 35 bodies in one day, 16 from Al-Furat district alone. All of them were killed execution-style,” he said. “I thought it was the end of the city. I packed my bags at once and got ready to leave because they could storm the hospital at any moment.”

Democrats surge in Ohio.
Former U.S. House Speaker Newt Gingrich says America is in World War III and President Bush should say so. "We need to have the militancy that says 'We're not going to lose a city,'" Gingrich said.
'American Idol' finalists headed to the Oval Office for meeting with the President.

Guest Editorial: Brian Brivati, from The Guardian. "Do I want ordinary people to stop dying or not? If I do, how can I make this happen?" Also, two bloggers from the war: one, a Lebanese jazz musician; the other, a Canadian with her family in Northern Israel.

What's Shuffling on My iPod

2006-07-20T20:06:00.000-04:00

A conversation between George W. Bush and Charles Manson, courtesy of WFMU's Beware of the Blog.
George Bush the Elder covering "We Will Rock You" and Shrub's rendition of "Sunday Bloody Sunday".
Bill Clinton singing "Imagine".
Liza Minnelli: "Bad Girls".
James Marsden: "Witchcraft".
Portuguese Girl Child Evangelist.
Any cover by Enemycraft, beginning with "Pretty Fly (For a White Guy)" and "All the Small Things".
A mashup of Mommy Dearest and Abba's "Mamma Mia."
David Hasselhoff: "Jump in My Car".
Bjork: "It's Oh So Quiet". (See also Conversation between Bjork and Matthew Barney, courtesy of the NSA.)

Charles Bassey: "(The MySpace Song)".
"Bring It (Theme Song from Snakes on a Plane)".
Devo 2.0's cover of Annette Funicello/Beach Boys hit "The Monkey's Uncle."
Carol Channing: "Jam Tomorrow, Jam Yesterday".
Les Baronnets: "C'est Fou Mais C'est Tout".
Les Classels "N'Attendons Pas Qu'il Soit Trop Tard".
Cody and Austin: "Si Quieres".
Herbert L. Clarke & Leo A. Zimmerman: "Alice, Where Art Thou".
Jim White: "If Jesus Drove a Motor Home" (Real format).
Gus Backus: "The Sauerkraut Polka".

Happy Fourth of July!

2006-07-04T20:18:00.000-04:00

A little patience, and we shall see the reign of witches pass over, their spells dissolve, and the people, recovering their true sight, restore their government to its true principles. It is true that in the meantime we are suffering deeply in spirit, and incurring the horrors of a war and long oppressions of enormous public debt. If the game runs sometimes against us at home we must have patience till luck turns, and then we shall have an opportunity of winning back the principles we have lost, for this is a game where principles are at stake. Thomas Jefferson, in a letter to John Taylor, June 4, 1798. (via Andrew Sullivan)

I woke up this morning and listened to part of an interview Democracy Now! had with Pete Seeger back in 2004. The last time I saw Seeger my friend Roz and I had been attending a Bread & Roses Conference at NYU — I had just heard Sue Coe talk about her time spent in an abbattoir and her unsettling love of mice — and as we were leaving Seeger was coming through the doors with Studs Terkel, both bouncing with energy. Roz starting chatting them both up — I don't even recall what she said any more — and then before they were out of earshot she said, "Well! They're getting old!" (Roz, I should add, was not that far behind them, and moving just as fast.)
That must have been 20 years ago, at least. Seeger, in the Democracy Now! interview, sounded just as hopeful and energetic as ever, despite acknowledging loss in hearing and sight, and memory lapses. As I sit here tonight and watch JoJo and Jason Alexander and Jo Dee Messina and Michael Bolton and so on and so on celebrating the Fourth, I am sad I don't remember Seeger and his example often enough, one that is needed now more than ever.

During the interview they touched on Bruce Springsteen's recently released Seeger Sessions and that sent me scrambling to YouTube to find Seeger's ebullient version of "Bring Them Home" — what Diana Vreeland might have made of those legs! — introduced by an obscenely young David Steinberg. Springsteen's own rather dour version, not included on the Seeger Sessions, can be found on YouTube as well. And while you're there, you can also check out Seeger singing "It Takes a Worried Man (To Sing a Worried Song)" with Johnny Cash. I love YouTube.

No Noise of Late Spawn'd Tittyries

2006-01-01T11:00:00.000-05:00

University Diaries kindly gives those wearied by Robert Burns the closing lines of Robert Herrick's A New Year's Gift:

Call not to mind those fled Decembers;
But think on these, that are t'appear,
As daughters to the instant year;
Sit crown'd with rose-buds, and carouse,
Till LIBER PATER twirls the house
About your ears, and lay upon
The year, your cares, that's fled and gone:
And let the russet swains the plough
And harrow hang up resting now;
And to the bag-pipe all address,
Till sleep takes place of weariness…

I would only add the opening lines:

No news of navies burnt at seas;
No noise of late spawn'd tittyries;
No closet plot or open vent,
That frights men with a Parliament:
No new device or late-found trick,
To read by th' stars the kingdom's sick;
No gin to catch the State, or wring
The free-born nostril of the King,
We send to you...

Favorite New Vlog: daily dose of imagery

2006-01-01T10:45:00.000-05:00

Okay, We Lied: There Will Be Spawn'd Tittyries After All

2006-01-01T10:30:00.000-05:00

     President Bush began the new year on Sunday at the bedsides of wounded servicemen and women, and awarded nine Purple Hearts to U.S. troops who served in Iraq and Afghanistan.
     The president had a two-inch scratch across the left side of his brow.
     "As you can probably see I was injured myself, not here at the hospital but in combat with a cedar," Bush quipped. "I eventually won."

News in Brief:

Grass-roots organization U.S. Family Network receives $1 million donation from Russian oil and gas executives; had close ties to DeLay (Washington Post, December 31, 2005) [Local color: Edwin A. Buckham, DeLay's former chief of staff and organizer of the U.S. Family Network, is a University of Tennessee alumnus.]
The number of Guantanamo Bay prisoners taking part in a nearly five-month-long hunger strike has surged to 84 since Christmas Day (National Nine News, December 30, 2005)
"To call this an imperial presidency is unfair to emperors" (Chicago Tribune, December 25, 2005)
FISA judges request briefing on surveillance (Washington Post, December 22, 2005)
Bin Laden phone leak urban myth (Washington Post, December 22, 2005)
Yukon school group found on U.S. threat list (CBC, December 20, 2005)
Ohio Patriot Act will give police power to arrest anyone in public, for no particular reason (Yahoo! News, December 19, 2005)
House and Senate negotiators agreed Friday to a measure that would enable the government to keep prisoners at Guantánamo Bay indefinitely on the basis of evidence obtained by coercive interrogations (New York Times, December 17, 2005)
U.S. military appears to be spying on "don't ask, don't tell" protests (Advocate.com, December 17, 2005)
Military body armor recalled (Military.com, November 18, 2005)

More Detritus: FOUND Magazine

2006-01-01T10:15:00.000-05:00

The Search for Love in Manhattan

2006-01-01T10:00:00.000-05:00

     E.S. called me the other day, breathless with excitement after having spent an evening online researching the neighborhood we'll be moving into. "Guess what used to be where our house is now!" he burst out. "It's the best thing that could possibly have been there."
     "An ancient Indian burial ground," I said immediately.
     There was silence on the other end of the line. "No," he said. "I guess it's the second-best thing that could possibly have been there."
     "A lunatic asylum," I answered.
     A longer silence. "The third-best thing," he said, through obviously gritted teeth. I am actually terrible at guessing games, and I couldn't come up with anything else. When I admitted this, his voice filled with an almost palpable glee--no mean feat given that we were communicating telephonically--and he said, "the land where our house is used to be occupied by the Kings County Penitentiary."
     "Oh, my God," I said, and melted. I took a moment to collect myself. "Now the next important question we need to answer is: who was the most famous resident of the penitentiary?"
     He was clearly offended. "What do you take me for? Of course I already looked it up. Her name was Polly Frisch, and she was sent to the penitentiary after she poisoned her husband, his two children, and her own child by putting arsenic on their bread and butter."
     "I love you," I said.
     "She was eventually pardoned by the governor and released. Her fame was almost immediately eclipsed by that of another murderess named Lizzie Borden."
     Since that day, my mind has been filled with fantasies of opening a café on the first floor (previously occupied by the Gospel Light Church, Inc.) called Polly's, or perhaps Polly's Pastries. It will be just like the café that Dallas Roberts and Colin Farrell opened in A Home at the End of the World, except that E.S. and I will have sex with each other and we will sell bread and butter both with and without arsenic.

I keep forgetting how much I love reading The Search for Love in Manhattan, which has moved, both physically and virtually; although, alas, not to the Gospel Light Church.

The Samuel Johnson Sound Bite Page

2005-11-25T22:40:00.000-05:00

I feel somewhat obligated to provide this link.

A decent provision for the poor is the true test of civilization.

Kicking and Screaming

2005-11-25T22:30:00.000-05:00

Past time to start tracking this year's Kwanz mas Hanu Eid Sols giving, or, as the hell-bound insist on calling it, Happy Holidays.

Gus van Sant's video of Burroughs' reading his "Thanksgiving Prayer" was blogged to death this year, but you can still catch it here. Here are the words:

Thanks for the wild turkey and the passenger pigeons, destined to be shit out through wholesome American guts.

Thanks for a continent to despoil and poison.

Thanks for Indians to provide a modicum of challenge and danger.

Thanks for vast herds of bison to kill and skin leaving thecarcasses to rot.

Thanks for bounties on wolves and coyotes.

Thanks for the American dream, to vulgarize and to falsify until the bare lies shine through.

Thanks for the KKK.

For nigger-killin' lawmen, feelin' their notches.

For decent church-goin' women, with their mean, pinched, bitter, evil faces.

Thanks for "Kill a Queer for Christ" stickers.

Thanks for laboratory AIDS.

Thanks for Prohibition and the war against drugs.

Thanks for a country where nobody's allowed to mind the own business.

Thanks for a nation of finks.

Yes, thanks for all the memories — all right let's see your arms!

You always were a headache and you always were a bore.

Thanks for the last and greatest betrayal of the last and greatest of human dreams.

Headline #1: Religious right plans to talk to children about blowjobs and anal sex during the Macy's parade.

The Germans are obviously joining Rev. Billy in calling for a return to the true spirit of the holidays, but the US Post Office will have none of it. World O'Crap is even defending our Godless Post Office. What goes for Dover, PA goes double for him.

Headline #2: There's A Turd In My Ducken!

To catch the real spirit of the season, check out Rocketboom's Annual Christmas Special with Chris Christmas Rodriquez. Or join us in praying the words the Greek Anthology taught us:

Ζεῦ βασιλεῦ, τὰ μὲν ἐσθλὰ καὶ εὐχομένοις καὶ ἀνεύκτοις | ἄμμι δίδου· τὰ δὲ λυγρὰ καὶ εὐχομένων ἀπερύκοις.

Zeus the king, give us good things whether we pray for them or not, and keep evil things away from us even if we pray for them.

Too Much Information, or Lost in Translation?

2005-11-25T22:10:00.000-05:00

The next product I'm gonna put my name on is extra-small condoms. I can never find extra-small condoms, and I know it's really embarrassing for people — you know, from experience. — Enrique Iglesias

I love giving the golden shower. I’ve done it before in the shower. It’s like so sexy, you know, the temperature of your body and the shower water is very different. — Ricky Martin

Guy: If you could marry Dave Matthews right now, would you?
Girl: Yeah, I would; I would piss on his face!
Guy: What?
Girl: Yeah, I heard he likes that.
— John & Gold

As Seen on Streetsy

2005-11-25T22:00:00.000-05:00

Quote of the Day: Emo Phillips

2005-11-25T21:40:00.000-05:00

Probably the toughest time in anyone's life is when you have to murder a loved one because they're the devil.

Overheard in New York

2005-11-25T21:30:00.000-05:00

Girl: So, I was thinking we could have a hick themed Thanksgiving.
Guy: What does that even mean?
Girl: You know, we could drink bad beer, and eat gross deep-fried food, and, like, rent hick movies and stuff.
Guy: "Hick movies"?
Girl: You know, like that Nicolas Cage movie where he lives in a trailer park, or that Hilary Swank movie where she's, like, a lesbian and stuff. Those are pretty hick.
Guy: That movie is about rape, and discrimination.
Girl: It'll be really fun.
— A train

Make the Pie Higher!

2005-11-25T21:20:00.000-05:00

My friend John sent me this poem, which is made up entirely of actual quotations from George W. Bush, arranged by Washington Post writer Richard Thompson.

Make the Pie Higher!
I think we all agree, the past is over.
This is still a dangerous world.
It's a world of madmen and uncertainty
And potential mental losses.
Rarely is the question asked
Is our children learning?
Will the highways of the Internet
Become more few?
How many hands have I shaked?
They misunderestimate me.
I am a pitbull on the pant leg of opportunity.
I know that the human being
And the fish can coexist.
Families is where our nation finds hope,
Where our wings take dream.
Put food on your family!
Knock down the tollbooth!
Vulcanize society!
Make the pie higher!
Make the pie higher!

Death From Overworking

2005-11-25T21:00:00.000-05:00

Quote of the Day: Sharon Osbourne

2005-11-24T22:00:00.000-05:00

I didn't like Mother Teresa. See? Somebody didn't like her. Ugly old cunt in sandals.

(Hmmm...Reckon she just finished reading Christopher Hitchen's The Missionary Position: Mother Teresa in Theory and Practice. Or maybe she just saw Hell's Angel.)

A New Favorite Blog

2005-11-24T21:55:00.000-05:00

CRUD CRUD. "CRUD CRUD is a tour through the stacks of records, demo tapes, etc. that surround me. No recycled MP3s, CD tracks, or reissues here. Average price paid for the records below is $3. Very few I have spent more than $5 on. You also will get a few book jackets from time to time. I present to you some of my favorites. It keeps the guilt of hording this crud distant."

Overheard in New York

2005-11-24T21:20:00.000-05:00

Bag lady on cordless: Oh I tell you, that man, he crazy. He waddling down this river with woman black stockings on, pulled to his knees to his shorts. Crazies all, it's sad. They surround me.
— Pier Park

Halloween Wrap-Up: A Braincase of Zombies

2005-11-24T21:10:00.000-05:00

boingboing tracked most of this year's zombie mashups: Seattle's Zombie Walk, Minneapolis's Zombie Pub Crawl, Philadelphia's Zombie Freak Out, Philadelphia's Zombie Freak Out, Calgary's Zombie Walk, and San Francisco's Graveyard Games. (Zombie Flashmobs were held back in the summer in San Francisco and Vancouver.) But I think he missed the 4th Annual Thriller re-enactment in Lexington, Kentucky — pictured below; also see flickr and Google Video — and Madison, Wisconsin's Zombie Lurch 2005. (boingboing also points to this site where you can buy your own life-size latex zombies.)

A good time then to review your zombie biology, and to remember these three tips when facing a zombie crisis:

Find a good man who's got your back.
Always aim for the brain pan.
Save a bullet for yourself, dude.

Halloween Wrap-Up: The Joke

2005-11-24T21:00:00.000-05:00

     A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring.
     He replies: "I have a question to ask you, but I don't want to offend you."
     She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."
     "Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."
     She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic."
     The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I'm single and Catholic!
     "OK" the nun says. "Pull into the next alley."
     The nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush.
     But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.
     "My dear child," said the nun, why are you crying?"
     "Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish."
     The nun says, "That's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween party."

Halloween Wrap-Up: The Pumpkins

2005-11-24T20:50:00.001-05:00

Sigh. Camelot.

Crocheted pumpkin from Lady Linoleum.

Nintendo pumkins. (via boingboing)

How to build your own iPumpkin.

Wil Wheaton's kid's emoticon pumpkin. (via boingboing)

Extreme pumpkins.

So when are the South Park Kids going to get balloons in the Macy's Thanksgiving Parade?

Who could resist an article in The Economist entitled "The Meaning of America"? And then, when you see that it's all about the annual Punkin Chunkin, well, they do understand us after all,, don't they?

Halloween Wrap-Up: The Costumes

2005-11-24T20:40:00.000-05:00

On the left, Sister Hellen Wheels, Acting Superior Mother of the Daughters of the Divine Eruption, Convent of Mt. St. Helens, and Sister Camille Leon, both members of the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence, who've never ever needed a holiday to dress up.

Sometimes I just like to feel pretty.

On the left, from docce; on the right, a participant in the 2005 Brooklyn Halloween Dog Parade.

Rufus Wainwright celebrating the birth of Christ.

An omnium gatherum of the just plain wrong.

Inflatable penis costume.

On the left, a crocheted Yoda costume; on the right, from Bitch Ph.D.

Al and Tipper. (Courtesy of Michelle Malkin, who certainly knows from scary!)

Party #1: Lindsay Lohan, Fabian Basabe, Seal, Shannen Doherty and (above) Martha Stewart, either as Jane, fondling a drugged-out Cheetah, or channeling Acquanetta, Queen of the Leopard Men. "If an animal can act like a man, why not a man like an animal?"

Party #2: Bette Midler (as a clitoris?), Mariah Carey, Star Jones, Regis Philbin, John Lithgow and (above) the real Eartha Kitt.

Party #3: Jason Biggs and date (above left), Liv Tyler and Heidi Klum.
Party #4: Hilary and Haylie Duff, Paris Hilton (above right) and more Heidi Klum.

Halloween Wrap-Up: Other Signs of the Season

2005-11-24T20:30:00.001-05:00

Pet cemetary dug up to make way for Hampton Inn. Some more scary shit. Court TV hires John Waters to host its new show, Til Death Do Us Part, a series that will feature scripted reenactments of real-life spousal murders. A Day of the Dead portal. Suicide mistaken for halloween decoration. The Gallery of Funeral Art. Anne Rice finds Jesus, ditches bloodsuckers. And finally, from Focus on the Family, the Pumpkin Gospel.

Clash of the Blogosphere Titans

2005-11-05T19:04:00.000-05:00

Faggoty-Ass Faggot and Upside-Down Hippopotamus are feuding over Chupacabra blogging.

Quote of the Day: Trent Reznor

2005-11-05T18:57:00.000-05:00

When I look at people that I would like to feel have been a mentor or an inspiring kind of archetype of what I'd love to see my career eventually be mentioned as a footnote for in the same paragraph, it would be, like, Bowie.
(via Language Log)

Streetsy

2005-11-05T18:38:00.000-05:00

Streetsy is another photoblog that documents New York street art. (via cityrag)

Overheard This Week in New York

2005-11-05T17:50:00.000-05:00

Club dude: May I ask you why you're licking your handstamp?
Drunk teen guy: I wasn't. They stamped me twice, and I had something in my tongue.
The Knitting Factory, Leonard Street

41 bis rue du Moulin Vert

2005-11-05T17:45:00.000-05:00

Another favorite website is images: au ras du sol, des murs, des objets ... vision brute. Above is a photo of the façade at 41 bis rue du Moulin Vert, Paris. When I was in graduate school back in the 70s, studying ancient history, I once suggested turning in a paper that consisted of nothing but photographs of Roman bricks. At the time, staring at bricks seemed to be a better introduction to Roman history than reading all of Tacitus. I still think I was right, and I think the world is starting to catch up.

This is Broken

2005-11-05T17:32:00.000-05:00

One of my favorite new websites is This is Broken, "A project to make businesses more aware of their customer experience, and how to fix it." It's actually more fun than that though. For example, this warning label for Disney's Sleeping Beauty Castle Stained-Glass Lamp:

WARNING: This product contains a chemical known to the State of California to cause cancer, or birth defects or other reproductive harm. Sorry, no gift boxing available.

Gaydar for Dummies (Part 2)

2005-10-15T20:49:00.000-04:00

Of course, for those of you who approach these things scientifically, I would refer you to OkCupid's How's Your Gaydar?

But for those of you who prefer context, there's "Straight or Gay?" from proceed at your own risk.

Here's my latest set of flashcards.

I Have a Clay Aiken Tattoo: Am I Gay?

Yes. But that's the least of your problems.

Kenny Chesney & Peyton Manning: You Know, Buddies

.....And we don't care what Renee Zellweger says.

Jared Leto: Aroused, But Not Gay

"I like to be aroused when I'm around men like [30 Seconds to Mars's bandmates] Tomo and Matt. There's something inspiring about that. They are my muses, both of them together." But he's saving his precious bodily fluids for the likes of Corina Taylor, star of such classic films like 1 Dick 2 Chicks Part 2.

Nick Lachey: Not Gay!

Of course, we could see how living with Jessica might turn anybody gay, but apparently there's no truth to the rumors that he's moving in with USC quarterback Matt Leinart.

Ben Affleck & Josh Hartnett: Not Gay; Actors!

Towleroad is featuring some outtakes from Pearl Harbor of Hartnett and Affleck, you know, acting. Kind of like the time Affleck rested his balls on Kevin Smith's neck; you know, for fun. Just like the stuff he did on the set of Surviving Christmas. "OK, they were doing an insert shot of a briefcase or something, and Ben just decided to put his 'stuff' on the briefcase. He would always do things like that: mooning, sticking his tongue in the director's ear. He's very goofy. I just admire him." If Christina Applegate didn't think it was gay, that's good enough for us.

Orlando Bloom & Viggo Mortensen: Actors!

Elijah Wood: Does This Look Gay To You?

"I was actually at a film festival once ... and this fan came up with a gift ... I open the gift in front of all these people that I'm talking to and it happens to be a photo from one of these websites of me and DOMINIC MONAGHAN making sweet love. If you didn't know any better, it kinda looks real. These people have a lot of time on their hands and my hat's off (to them) because it's very good work."

Val Kilmer & Robert Downey Jr: Acting!

From the opening of their new film, Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang, at Deauville. Kilmer plays a gay PI. Oh, and forget whatever you thought you knew about Downey; he's married!

Tom Cruise: The Evidence Continues to Mount

We thought this picture circulating a few weeks ago provided the best evidence to date of Cruise's sexual orientation. I mean, a gay man dressed as Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz ..... well, it would be like grinding up tossed-off cow parts and feeding them to old Bossie. But then the story broke about how Tom had even outdone Downey and banged up his equally het s.o. before they had even gotten hitched. Hubba hubba. Yeah, we heard all the rumors of an immaculate conception and all those turkey baster stories, about Holmes being brainwashed ..... we even heard snide remarks by some of Cruise's colleagues in Hollywood, such as those from former gay male porn star Simon Rex. And yes, the media was incredulous. But we just had to go along with Holmes' aunt, who claims that Cruise actually put his whowho-dilly in Holmes' Cha-Cha. Just like we believe this story from the UK's Daily Record:

"I really would have preferred being a brain surgeon or a research scientist in this life." Cruise, 43, told how he has known and loved his latest fiancee, Dawson's Creek star Katie Holmes, "many times in many lives before". He said: "When I was languishing in prison before being sent to exile, she used to send me notes hidden inthe collar of her pug dog. She's my eternal soulmate."

Hayden Christensen: Doing Things Straight Guys Do

Like hanging out at the Playboy Mansion and letting some female hump him. Hubba hubba, Hayden.

Harry Potter & Ron Weasley: Doing the Nasty?

Is Hermione simply their unwitting beard? So says the Reverend Graham Taylor. And he certainly has the backing of Truth for Youth, a project of the Todd Ministries, which has been endorsed by "Dr. Billy Graham, Bishop T.D. Jakes, Pastor Rod Parsley, Dr. Jerry Falwell, Dr. Bill Bright, Pat Boone, Art Linkletter, Actor Dean Jones and many other prominent leaders." (Isn't Art Linkletter dead already?) Their mission: smuggle Bibles legally into American schools! (smuggle legally?) Equallty opposed to Harry and his swishy ways are John Hagee. And the Pope.

Mashiro Fukuyama: Not Gay; Japanese!

"Born in Kumamoto, Japan, now lives and works in Amsterdam and Japan. Fukuyama works as sculptor, producing contemporary and ceremonial Samurai suits, inspired by the ancient culture of the Samurai and contemporary game-culture. His creations are made with moulded plastics, finished with leather, fur, precious stones and precious metals. In addition to the presenting these suits as objects, Fukyama wears his creations during performances."

Pimping for Art

Wow! This picture made us feel so old. We can remember when a docent's duties were more ..... subtle.

Finally: Carrot Top

Please. God. Dear Sweet Jesus. No.

There you have it. Straight, straight, straight, straight. Except for those museum guys, and the guy with the Aiken tattoo. Oh, and Harry Potter. Hope this helps.

Overheard in San Francisco

2005-10-10T10:30:00.000-04:00

How can I trust someone with a dirty catheter? I can't!"

Passion of the Playstation

2005-10-10T10:17:00.000-04:00

Sony is in trouble in Italy because of its new Playstation campaign, "dieci anni di passione." I don't know....maybe it's their posterboy. (via elastico.)

Joke of the Day

2005-10-10T10:12:00.000-04:00

via rottenryan:

Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed in an accident."

"OH DEAR GOD!! NO!!!" George W. Bush exclaims. "That's terrible!!" His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the president sits, head in hands.

Finally, the President, devastated, looks up and asks, "How many is a Brazillion??!"

Overheard in New York

2005-10-10T10:04:00.000-04:00

Italian guy #1: For some guys, it's all right.
Italian guy #2: The fucking Israelis started that shit.
Italian guy #1: I don't see nothing wrong with it, if that's what you're into...
Italian guy #2: The day I wear a square-toed shoe, put me in the fucking ground!
Park Slope

All Creatures Great and Small

2005-09-24T20:28:00.000-04:00

Time to shovel out the Animals Folder.

Mostly human livers grown in Nevadan sheep. Fur coats made from lamb fetuses all the rage (August 11, 2005). 450 Turkish sheep leap to their deaths (July 9, 2005). Hindu toad wedding.

Pet rooster running loose near Embarcadero Three. Seattle man dies from having sex with horse. (July 15, 2005). Oklahoman bitten on hand and foot by a pygmy rattlesnake, falls backward over a barrel onto a copperhead, and is bitten on the foot (again) and in the groin (July 15, 2005).

Lesbian swans discovered in Boston (August 12, 2005). Play depicts interspecies romance between a lovesick gay boy and a mako shark. Animal prosthetics. Infrared pet dryer.

Dogs admit on video, "Yes, I shit." Dog condoms recalled (August 3, 2005). Moby "a little too interested" in fan's bulldogs. Does a wagging tail indicate consent? Falwell denies ever equating homosexuality to bestiality and crack addiction (November 8, 2004).

Google Images search on "Animals." Belgian artist tattoos Chinese pigs. China sends pig sperm into space (July 17, 2005). Penis unicorns and gay unicorns. God hates shrimp. Fish lures East German man to his death (August 27, 2005). Tongue-eaating bug found in fish (September 2, 2005). Cats in sinks. Dogs dressed as bees. Cow lingerie.

US scientists create zombie dogs (June 27, 2005). "Plans to test the technique on humans should be realised within a year, according to the Safar Centre."

Christian wingnuts are hailing March of the Penguins is the next Passion of the Christ. According to WordNetDaily, "'March of the Penguins' is stubbornly heterosexual and pro-family with nary a 'gay' penguin in sight. Michael Medved says "March of the Penguins" is "the motion picture this summer that most passionately affirms traditional norms like monogamy, sacrifice and child-rearing." And Andrew Coffin, writing in World Magazine, "In unbelievably frigid temperatures, with no hope of food for months on end, the penguins select mates, huddle together to survive harsh snowstorms, and engage in an elaborate ritual designed to protect the single egg that results from their coupling. That any one of these eggs survives is a remarkable feat—and, some might suppose, a strong case for intelligent design. It's sad that acknowledgment of a creator is absent in the examination of such strange and wonderful animals."

Towleroad of course points out that homosexuality in penguins is more prevalent than in the College of Cardinals. He cites Roy and Silo in the Central Park Zoo, who tried to hatch a stone — and who hasn't followed some cute tailfeathers home just to find that they have feathers for brains? WorldNetDaily, however, backed by Fox News, now reports Silo has left Roy for a female named "Scrappy" — and doesn't "Scrappy" sound like the perfect name for a chick with a dick? — and speaking of tailfeathers, isn't Fox the Bill Hemmer network?

But Towleroad also points out that 3 out of 5 penguins in the Bremerhaven Zoo are gay, and 20 pairs of penguins in Japan were discovered to be gay. Finally, as Towleroad notes, it is the conservative George Will who throws cold water on the Intelligent Design argument: "If an Intelligent Designer designed nature, why did it decide to make breeding so tedious for those penguins?"

US scientists developing monkeys with human brains (July 11, 2005). "In cutting-edge experiments, scientists have injected human brain cells into monkey fetuses to study the effects. Critics argue that if these fetuses are allowed to develop into self-aware subjects, science will be thrown into an ethical nightmare."

Then there is — God help us — the Arts Community. The Viennese art group Gelatin constructed a 200 foot-long bunny "knitted by dozens of grannies out of pink wool."

Regine over at we make money not art has an interesting report on the Hybrid Identities symposium: "Artists are increasingly using their own bodies to explore themes and issues that have arisen in connection with the Life Sciences. For example, Art Orienté Object is planning a transfusion of filtered Panda blood." And Patricia Waller fabricates bunnies on a smaller scale.

I always read Four Four religiously for news about Whitney Houston and that no-good husband of hers, but I learned from cityrag that Four Four is also the home of Winston. Winston is now the star of several home movies, such as Winston the Kicker and Winston the Talker.

Finally: kittens survive accidental FedEx shipment (September 24, 2005) and puppy learns to perform Buddhist prayer rituals (September 7, 2005).

Overheard in New York

2005-09-24T18:20:00.000-04:00

Old drunk Southern guy: Woo!
Young drunk Southern guy: Ha, ha, ha! Woo woo!
Old drunk Southern guy: Come on, it's one "woo"! Woo!
Young drunk Southern guy: Ha, ha, ha! Woo woo!
Old drunk Southern guy: Just one woo! Woo!
6 train

Quote of the Day: Eben Moglen

2005-09-24T12:02:00.000-04:00

The great moral question of the twenty-first century is this: if all knowing, all culture, all art, all useful information can be costlessly given to everyone at the same price that it is given to anyone; if everyone can have everything, anywhere, all the time, why is it ever moral to exclude anyone?

Neither Guns Nor Butter, But Oil

2005-09-18T19:41:00.000-04:00

From the Hattiesburg American:

Shortly after Hurricane Katrina roared through South Mississippi knocking out electricity and communication systems, the White House ordered power restored to a pipeline that sends fuel to the Northeast.

That order - to restart two power substations in Collins that serve Colonial Pipeline Co. - delayed efforts by at least 24 hours to restore power to two rural hospitals and a number of water systems in the Pine Belt.

If It Had Been a Girl, They Were Going To Call It Katrina

2005-09-18T15:31:00.000-04:00

Pink is the New Blog has announced that Britney Spears has successfully spawned. Contrary to what I reported back in January, our National Songbird did not name the child Cheeto after all — I guess, push comes to shove, it just didn't look like a Cheeto — but instead chose P(reston) M(ichael) S(pears) Federline. Is this woman ambivalent about motherhood, or what? You go, girl!

According to Star Magazine, ".....the singer is recovering from her C-Section in a luxurious suite of rooms at UCLA Medical Center in Santa Monica. 'She has a room that would normally be semi-private, but they converted it into a private suite with shabby chic couches, chairs, and an armoire. She's also furnished two sitting rooms for her security to hang out in,' the source says. That main room, where the baby has been staying with Brit and Kevin, is costing the pop star $2,350 per night. Add on those two extra chambers, and she's likely dishing out a full $5,000 a night for her hospital accommodations!"

To assuage any — I don't know; guilt? — the Britney Spears Foundation is reporting that it has made two donations of undisclosed amounts to Habitat for Humanity and the East Baton Rouge Parish School District to help alleviate suffering there. However, rumors that Kevin is a total power bottom and Michael Brown is the baby's real father are just that: ugly, vicious rumors.

From the PostSecret Archive

2005-09-18T14:53:00.000-04:00

(Also) Overheard in New York

2005-09-18T14:41:00.000-04:00

God Squad man: God loves each and everyone of you! The Bible says--
Woman #1: The Bible says it's 8AM.
Woman #2: Yeah, sit down and shut up.
L train

Possum Blogging

2005-09-18T13:36:00.000-04:00

A few years ago, I left the backdoor open and woke in the middle of the night to crashing sounds from the kitchen. As I came around the corner, I saw what looked like a 30lb possum staring up at me. (I have a 5lb cat, and this was easily a 6-cat possum.) She gave me one of those "Sorry, didn't realize anyone was home" looks, and strolled out the door. Neither of us got hysterical. This scene has been repeated several times since then. I also sleep by a large window — no screen; the cat saw to that long ago — opening onto the front porch, and from time to time I could hear and smell my possum rutting around there as well. (Possums smell like that before they become roadkill.) Then one night last summer, I woke to find my possum eye-to-eye with me, teetering on the window ledge, looking as afraid of her falling as I was. I shone my nightlight directly into her face, and after several high-pitched shrieks on my part, persuaded her to move on. I couldn't help but worry though that our long-held comity might be fading.

This year, I haven't smelled hide nor hair of my sasquatch of a possum. But in her place has been what I guess is v2 beta: small, cute, and cuddly; shy; little if any fear of bigger, potentially predatory, animals like myself. v2 prefers to come in through the computer room, whose screen I knocked out to make it easier to photograph birds. But the birds have been scarce. So you photograph what you have. Here's v2 on my desktop, next to the printer. He's just snarfed an advil and an aspirin left lying on the desk, and he's obviously tripping.

Website of the Week: Aliens and Children

2005-09-17T15:15:00.000-04:00

"This website features a series of drawings made by children who were abducted by aliens for the alien purpose of creating a new race of alien/human hybrids. The pictures were drawn by children who successfully resisted the aliens by using a 'thought screen helmet' which blocks the telepathic control aliens have over humans. The helmet is a leather hat lined with eight sheets of Velostat, an electrically conductive plastic used to prevent static electricity damage to electronic components."
(Courtesy of the WFMU Blog.)

I Blog Dead People

2005-09-17T14:52:00.000-04:00

Copywriting for the Death Care Industries: "When I speak with Directors at local or statewide events, I'm always suprised at how few funeral homes have web sites. Less than 1/2 - and those that DO use Internet resources do so ineptly."

"funeralOne is a personalization, technology, and consulting company for the funeral care profession. funeralOne's core services include strategic funeral home web site design, personal funeral service consulting, and funeral tribute video software. Committed to delivering innovation, funeralOne collaborates with its clients to help them reach their full market potential. With deep industry expertise, broad resources and a proven track record, funeralOne can mobilize the right people, skills, and technologies to help clients reach their customers in new ways.

(Courtesy of J-Walk Blog.)

Go Vols!

2005-09-17T14:31:00.000-04:00

Salon is reporting that George W. Bush has appointed Norris Alderson as acting director for the Office of Women's Health. Alderson has a bachelor's degree in animal husbandry from the University of Tennessee and graduate degrees from the University of Kentucky. He has worked at the FDA for more than 30 years, more than 20 of which he spent in the agency's Bureau of Veterinary Medicine. The position opened up when its last director, Susan Wood, quit in protest over the agency's refusal to approve the morning-after pill.

Mass Distraction

2005-09-17T14:21:00.000-04:00

[The Situation Room] is a telethon without a disease.
Jack Cafferty, CNN Kvetsh

Charles Addams Is Back; But Is He Still Funny?

2005-09-17T10:54:00.000-04:00

Overheard in New York

2005-09-17T10:45:00.000-04:00

Girl #1: ...So let me get this straight: while we were all sitting there, you watched the guy finger the dog's ass?
Girl #2: Yes.
Girl #1: And what did the dog do?
Girl #2: Nothing. The dog was high.
Q train

#!/usr/bin/perl

2005-09-11T22:05:00.000-04:00

use strict;

The 23rd Qualm

2005-09-11T21:06:00.000-04:00

Bush is my shepherd; I dwell in want.
He maketh logs to be cut down in national forests.
He leadeth trucks into the still wilderness.
He restoreth my fears.
He leadeth me in the paths of international disgrace for his ego's sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the flood and war,
I will find no exit, for thou art in office.
Thy tax cuts for the rich and thy media control, they discomfort me.
Thou preparest an agenda of deception in the name of thy religion.
Thou anointest my head with foreign oil for there is none left for my car.
My health insurance runneth out.
Surely megalomania and false patriotism shall follow me all the days of thy term,
And my jobless child shall dwell in my basement forever.

Overheard (Today) in New York

2005-09-11T20:59:00.000-04:00

Guy: Plutarch was--
Girl: Plutarch can suck my cunt. He was stupid.
1 train

Some Things Are Just Too Disturbing Not to Blog Redux

2005-09-03T22:48:00.000-04:00

Lysol Feminine Hygiene, courtesy of The West Virginia Surf Report.

Some Things Are Just Too Disturbing Not to Blog

2005-09-03T19:53:00.000-04:00

Friday Night Bird Blogging

2005-09-03T18:41:00.000-04:00

So I bought a digital camera last week when I picked up my new Mac Mini — in for a penny, in for a pound — and I thought cool, I can start posting my own pictures — hey, it hardly takes talent to snap great pics! — and we're just teeming with wildlife here — foxes and bunnies and little birdies. A fucking Disney film. But cardinals and jays have been scarce lately &@151; and those little sparrowy thingies — uh, I wonder when I filled the feeders last? — anyway, a hummingbird flew through the window last night and by the time I had the camera on and pointed, she was gone. Maybe this isn't going to be as easy as I thought. But here are — as usual — Other People's Pictures.

Overheard (Recently) in New York

2005-09-03T18:13:00.000-04:00

Preppy guy: I'm hardcore into the drug underground. Drugs and me, we're like this.
Preppy chick: Drugs and I.
— 53rd & 6th

The Emotional Luxury of Successfuly Fleeing

2005-09-03T10:38:00.000-04:00

That same issue of the Atlantic has a fine review by Lorrie Moore of Alice Munro's Runaway. Moore quotes from Munro's earlier work, Lives of Girls and Women:

If we had been older we would certainly have hung on, haggled over the price of reconciliation, explained and justified and prhaps forgiven, and carried this into the future with us, but as it was we were close enough to childhood to believe in the absolute seriousness and finality of some fights, unforgivability of some blows. We had seen in each other what we could not bear, and we had no idea that people do see that, and go on, and hate and fight and try to kill each other, various ways, then love some more.

Moore's comment:

Only the very young have the emotional luxury of successfully fleeing. For a young person, a pristine heart untainted by the more damaging forms of forgiveness is still in charge.

Wow.

....And How We Can Extricate Ourselves

2005-09-03T10:21:00.000-04:00

I just got around to reading Juan Cole's post listing what we can do to disengage from Iraq, and since I agree with his assessment of what will happen if we were to withdraw (a genocidal civil war that would quickly envelope the entire region), I found his ten-step program — say it — hopeful.

Withdraw US troops from urban areas immediately.
In a second phase of withdrawal, begin to reduce the number of US ground troops.
Provide the elected Iraqi government close air support in any firefight guerrilla forces, for as long as they want it.
Prevent any guerrilla force from fielding a large number of fighters for a set battle, with the consent of the elected Iraqi government.
Offer the elected Iraqi government targeted military aid.
Help with the rapid development of an Iraqi armor corps.
In return for our continued support, demand that the Iraqis hold elections on a district basis so as to ensure proper representation.
The US should demand as a quid pro quo for further help that the Iraqi government announce an amnesty for all former Baath Party members who cannot be proven to have committed serious crimes, including crimes against humanity.
Rewrite laws governing US reconstruction aid so that money flows to Iraqi companies, not US ones. And finally,
Join regular meetings with Iraqis neighbors to help put Iraq back on its feet through diplomacy and multilateral aid. (This means we would stop threatening to destroy Syria and Iran.)

I might even vote for a presidential candidate that supports this agenda, but what are the chances of that?

What Went Wrong in Iraq

2005-09-03T10:20:00.000-04:00

Just finished the December 2004 Atlantic, which had an article by James Fallows on what the US's options are with regard to Iran. (Answer: precious few.) The article described a simulation conducted by Sam Gardiner, a retired Air Force Colonel who has conducted wargames at the National War College and other military institutions for more than two decades. This quote stood out: What went wrong in Iraq, according to our participants, can in almost all cases be traced back to the way the Administration made decisions. "Most people with detailed knowledge of Iraq, from the CIA to the State Department to the Brits, thought it was a crazy quilt held together in an articificial state." [Graham Allison, of Harvard University's Kennedy School of Government] said. Because no such people were involved in the decision to go to war, the Administration expected a much easier reception than it met — with ruinous consequences. There was no strong institutional system for reconciiling differences between the Pentagon, the State Depamrtnet, the CIA, and other institutions, and the person who theoretically might have done this, Condoleezza Rice, was weak. "If you don't have a deliberate process in which the National Security Advisor is playing a strong role, clarifying contrary views, and hammering out points of difference, you have the situation you did," Allison said. "There was no analytic memo that all the parties looked at that said, 'Here's how we see the shape of this problem; here is the logic that leads to targeting Iraq rather than North Korea.'"

This Week's Spam: High YN Advanced

2005-08-19T20:39:00.000-04:00

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Quote of the Day: George W. Bush

2005-08-07T19:58:00.000-04:00

See, in my line of work you got to keep repeating things over and over and over again for the truth to sink in, to kind of catapult the propaganda. (Thanks, Timmy Ray!)

Overheard in San Francisco

2005-08-07T16:56:00.000-04:00

Oh, she's a total bitch. They called her a couple hours after 9/11 for a comment and she said, 'What a pain in the ass. Now they're gonna be going on about this for years.'

Chupacabra Blogging

2005-08-07T16:36:00.000-04:00

I wasted most of the weekend culling my blog subscriptions, blogs that were not getting read and filling up my newsreader, and I came across some that deserved a closer look. with all the ubiquitous bird blogging here and cat blogging there, I found it refreshing that upside down hippopotamus featured chupacabra blogging. (There's also paramecium blogging.)

Most Disturbing Product Poll

2005-08-06T15:31:00.000-04:00

It's probably not too late to vote for the most disturbing product in feminsting's new poll, but which one to choose? The girlfriend lap pillow? The pregnant torso keychain? The pregnant torso keychain? Or perhaps the vulva purse? feministing favors the vaginal cleansing film, but that sounds too much like something Listerine would make. Me, I'm leaning toward the woman toilet seat.

Yours in Christ

2005-08-06T15:25:00.000-04:00

This comes from the LA Times, via Bitch PhD:

In 1994, then-Archbishop of Portland William Levada offered a simple answer for why the archdiocese shouldn't have been ordered to pay the costs of raising a child fathered by a church worker at a Portland, Ore., parish. In her relationship with Arturo Uribe, then a seminarian and now a Whittier priest, the child's mother had engaged "in unprotected intercourse … when [she] should have known that could result in pregnancy," the church maintained in its answer to the lawsuit.

Levada was recently named prefect of the Vatican's Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith, replacing Joseph Cardinal Ratzinger.

When I was an undergraduate at St. Louis University, the archbishop back then was John Cardinal Carberry, who we thought at the time was pretty conservative. He also had a serious mary dependency. For example, I remember one Easter homily which focused entirely on Mary's suffering at the foot of the Cross. (Hello? Up here!) He would always sign his letters to the parishes, "Yours in Mary." The Jesuits ate it up. "Hey! Yours in Mary!"

Vintage (Overheard in) New York

2005-08-06T14:15:00.000-04:00

Crazy guy: Want to see my website? It'll cost you. Want to see it? $100. Naw, you don't have that sort of money. I need to jazz it up. It has pictures of dead animals on it.
D train

What You're Missing If You're Not Reading Post Secret

2005-08-06T09:51:00.000-04:00

Blog of the Week: Sweet Jesus, I Hate Bill O'Reilly

2005-08-06T09:24:00.000-04:00

I just tripped over Sweet Jesus, I Hate Bill O'Reilly Intl. (An Organization of Hope), and can't understand how I ever lived without it. Its keeper strips away all those commercial interruptions and inane fluff to leave us with the bits of O'Reilly that no civilized society should miss. From August 4, a debate between O'Reilly and Ann Coulter:

COULTER: If things have been going worse why isn’t the elite Republican Guard massing outside Manhattan right now?
O’REILLY: Well, because we’re not in any danger of losing the war there, that’s not the danger. We’re not going to lose as long as we’re there and as long as we’re in South Vietnam we weren’t going to lose. That’s the biggest myth in the world that the USA …
COULTER: We did lose.
O’REILLY: … lost the war. We didn’t lose the war.
COULTER: Yeah, we kind of did. I think we did lose that one.
O’REILLY: I don’t. I disagree with you. But that’s a debate for another day.
COULTER: They’re living under communism, Bill.

SJIHBO comments:

Hearing Bill O’Reilly and Ann Coulter debate over Iraq is like listening to two medieval doctors argue about which is better, leeching patients or boring holes in their skulls to let the demons out ..... Leave it to Bill to make Ann Coulter look sane.

And this, from August 3. First, O'Reilly:

While speaking to some Texas reporters, President Bush opined that he believes public schools should expose students to both evolution and the so-called intelligent design belief concerning creation ..... Whatever your belief, it should be respected. But the National Academy of Sciences and the American Association for the Advancement of Science both reject intelligent design and don't want it mentioned in science classes. That, in my opinion, is fascism.

Now, SJIHBO:

Adolf Hitler, Benito Mussolini, and the National Academy of Sciences. Peas in a pod, baby.

Fab Four

2005-07-31T20:01:00.000-04:00

For all those who've had their fill of Wing (no relation, alas, to Kip Winger), I give you someone's deep obsession. My favorite: I Never Thought I'd Grow a Hair There.

How To Choose?

2005-07-31T16:16:00.000-04:00

Another picture from PostSecret.

Kinky, Kinkier, Kinkiest

2005-07-31T16:04:00.000-04:00

Joe.My.God. has asked readers to help come up with a contemporary definition of kinky. For example:

.....Then he reached under the bed and pulled out a large, square piece of plywood. He moved the wood around on the floor next to the bed until it was in a position that satisfied him, then he stood on the center of it.

And then he started tap dancing.

I laid there helplessy for about 20 minutes while this guy tap danced on that piece of wood. There was no music. There was no touching. When he stopped, I asked to be untied, which he did, and I left immediately.

And yes, it WAS torture.

On the Internet, No One Knows I'm a.....

2005-07-31T13:01:00.000-04:00

Hawaiian Name: Keona Meka
Past Life: A banished philosopher who lived in Ireland and was hanged for treason
File Extension: .doc (You change from year to year, just to make things tough on your competition.)
Parent Trap Character: You are absolutely Ms. Sharon McKendrick! Quite refined and delicate you MUST be properly ventilated. But don't worry-YOU'LL BE VENTILATED!!! The road won't always be smooth and you must watch out you aren't gopher trapped, but all in all you will have a swell time of it. Be careful not to act like a cuckoo pig. People adore you and your piano playing is spectacular. You're not allowed to eat candy but you're sweet as a cherry pie darling!

Kissing Purity Score: 26% Pure
Unitarian Jihad Name: The Dagger of Moderation
First Reformed Unitarian Jihad Name: Brother Flaming Flame of Reflection
How Tall Am I?: Way taller than Piaf!
My South Park Avatar: [See below]

Six Feet Under Character: Claire Fisher
Pimp Name: Mack Master C. Loco (And wow! check out pimpdaddy.com!)
Slutcom Litmus Test: [Sorry]

Overheard (This Week) in New York

2005-07-31T12:58:00.000-04:00

Crazy lady: I hate my fucking mother and I want to kill her. I want to watch her bleed. She is a fat lazy bitch. She was nothing but a container!
Guy: God will not forgive you if you kill your mother. Can you also keep it down please?
PATH train

Sunday School Lesson

2005-07-31T11:31:00.000-04:00

When fundamentalism is combined with an antitheological bias, as it is, for instance, in its biblicistic-evangelical form, the theological truth of yesterday is defended as an unchangeable message against the theological truth of today and tomorrow. Fundamentalism fails to make contact with the present situation, not because it speaks from beyond every situation, but because it speaks from a situation of the past. It elevates something finite and transitory to infinite and eternal validity. In this respect fundamentalism has demonic traits. It destroys the humble honesty of the search for truth, it splits the conscience of its thoughtful adherents, and it makes them fanatical because they are forced to suppress elements of truth of which they are dimly aware.
Paul Tillich

The critics of fundamentalism often manifest the very attitudes that they are trying to expose. The mentality of fundamentalism is by no means an exclusive property of orthodoxy.
Edward J. Carnell

Quote of the Day: Giorgio Faletti

2005-07-24T20:06:00.000-04:00

Io invece penso che l’open source sia il sistema migliore per precipitare nella barbarie.
(I think instead that Open Source is the best way to fall into Barbarity.)

Yet One More Reason Why Bush Won

2005-07-23T22:04:00.000-04:00

From Overheard in New York:

Tourist guy: What's that building over there?
Tourist chick: That's the Empire State Building, silly.
Tourist guy: Oh...yeah.
Empire State Building observation deck

Something for AJ

2005-07-23T21:34:00.000-04:00

I seem to have forgotten how much fun New York Magazine is! One of the back issues I'm trawling through describes the dernier cri in New York: spam musubi. "A Spam Musubi, for those who are not aware, is a Hawaiian delicacy like sushi made with fried Spam instead of raw fish. Imagine a block of sticky rice, with a slab of Spam on top, wrapped in dried nori seaweed, and you've got it." Also check out Norko Takiguchi's How to Eat Sushi.

Coals to Newcastle

2005-07-23T21:10:00.000-04:00

More catching up. Robert Bryce has a short piece in the May issue of Atlantic Monthly detailing the US's escalating need for fuel in Iraq. This quote jumped out: "......[T]he American GI is the most energy-consuming soldier ever seen on the field of war. For computers and GPS units, Humvees and helicopters, the modern soldier is in constant need of energy: battery power, electric power, and petroleum. The U.S. military now uses 1.7 million gallons of fuel a day in Iraq. Some of that fuel goes to naval vessels and and aircraft, but even factoring out JP-150 fuel (which is what the Navy primarily uses) each of the 150,000 soldiers on the ground consumes roughly nine gallons of fuel a day. And that figure has been rising."

America Talks Tough

2005-07-23T19:06:00.000-04:00

Comments made by Rep. Tom Tancredo on Friday during an on-air interview on radio station WFLA in Orlando, Fla. Host Pat Campbell and the congressman were discussing the possibility of future terrorist attacks inside the United States.

Campbell: Worst case scenario, if they do have these nukes inside the borders and they were to use something like that — what would our response be?
Tancredo: What would be the response? You know, there are things that you could threaten to do before something like that happens and then you may have to do afterwards that are quite draconian.
Campbell: Such as...
Tancredo: Well, what if you said something like — if this happens in the United States, and we determine that it is the result of extremist, fundamentalist Muslims, um, you know, you could take out their holy sites...
Campbell: You're talking about bombing Mecca.
Tancredo: Yeah. What if you said — what if you said that we recognize that this is the ultimate threat to the United States — therefore this is the ultimate threat, this is the ultimate response. I mean, I don't know, I'm just throwing out there some ideas because it seems to me...at that point in time you would be talking about taking the most draconian measures you could possibly imagine and because other than that all you could do is once again tighten up internally.

Quote of the Day: Marc Cherry

2005-07-23T18:57:00.001-04:00

The moment you put a woman in an evening gown mowing the lawn, it's just gay.
Marc Cherry (creator of Desperate Housewives)

Château de la Borde

2005-07-23T17:28:00.000-04:00

Well, the heatwave is slowly making its way through Tennessee, and the only sensible place seems to be curled up on the front porch with all those unread magazines from the past six months. I finally worked my way down to the April Architectual Digest and despite some quick scanning my eye snagged a caption about Claes Oldenburg and Coosje van Bruggen and their new home in the Loire Valley. Having made two incredibly brief trips to the Loire — okay, somewhere during those trips, I remember the mayor — of Bois perhaps? #&151; making me an honorary citoyen de la Solonge — or perhaps I was drunk — or perhaps my inability to understand French caused me to misinterpret what was being said — but in any event I immediately embraced them as neighbors, and read on to see whose house they had bought. Le Château de la Borde. I sped through the article. Nowhere was there any mention of the Château's past life.

I knew the Château back in the early 80s, when my friend Nancy lived and worked there. In fact, for both my brief trips to the Loire, I stayed in an apartment in the Château's tower. Back then, it was the Clinique de la Borde, a progressive psychiatric institution in the manner of R. D. Lang, under the supervision of Félix Guattari, who with Gilles Deleuze wrote such seminal works are Anti-Oedipus and Mille Plateaux. Wikipedia writes: "Concepts such as 'micropolitics', 'schizoanalysis', and 'becoming-woman' open up new horizons for political and creative resistance in the 'postmedia era'. Guattari's energetic analyses of art, cinema, youth culture, economics, and power formations introduce a radically inventive thought process engaged in liberating subjectivity from the standardizing and homogenizing processes of global capitalism." La Borde had the reputation back then as an asylum for Americans who were finding their own country less than hospitable.

I can remember walking through the well-marked fields. Having a lunch with the staff in a cottage on the grounds. The Cavaillon melons. The eco-friendly sewage system, ending in a pond of koi. Being pulled into some afternoon activity with the other patients. And bathing in a large claw-footed tub in the attic. And now the lawn is scattered with Oldenburgs. Nice, but I think Architectual Digest missed the best parts.

Today's Bit of (Overheard in) New York

2005-07-17T13:38:00.000-04:00

This was left over from Mother's Day:

Girl: So I'm like, "How are you going to call me a bitch in front of my grandma? What the fuck is that, Mom?"
NYU Brittany Hall elevator

Creative Commons in History

2005-07-17T12:43:00.000-04:00

I found this story almost a year ago on James McGee's blog, and I've been meaning to repeat it ever since.

Woody had more than a sense of humour, he actually lived what he preached, and as yet another proof, here's a story I first heard from Utah Phillips and later had it confirmed from someone who had toured with and heard it from Steve Goodman: The story goes Woody and Huddie (Leadbelly) walked into a NYC music publisher's office to sell a new song they'd written. The publisher heard their song and knew it would be a hit, so he started fumbling through his desk to find a standard contract. Woody and Huddie said, "No need for all that. Gentleman's deal: You pay us $50 cash, we shake on it, the song is yours." You can imagine. The NYC bigshot music publisher's eyes lit up with dollar signs. He peeled $50 out of his own wallet, gave it to those yokels and they gave him the sheet music, and they shook hands and parted. The NYC bigshot music publisher was ecstatic: He'd just bought a sure-fire chart-topping double-platinum hit for $50. Woody and Huddie were pretty happy too: That was the fifth NYC bigshot publishing company they'd sold it to that morning ... By the time the lawyers were through with it, nobody owned the song, it became public domain, free for all, part of the artistic commons to be freely sung and resung by anyone with a mind to sing it. the song was "Goodnight Irene".

Quote of the Day: Donald Rumsfeld

2005-07-17T12:36:00.000-04:00

People lost their lives, people are dead and that's unfortunate…People need to be very careful about what they say, just as they need to be careful about what they do. Made April 16, in response to the Newsweek story about abuse of the Koran at Gitmo. (I know this is really reaching back in the archives, but Rumselfed's pronouncements have such a timeless quality.)

We're Not Afraid!

2005-07-16T21:26:00.000-04:00

....But then again, maybe we should be. By the way, you can see the schedule of Fred Phelps' "Love Crusades" on the front page of the Westboro Baptist Church website. I suppose it says something about the current political spectrum in this country that Phelps is now referring to President Bush as "Caligula."

This Week at Hanzi Smatter

2005-07-16T21:16:00.000-04:00

Gay Haiku

2005-07-16T20:55:00.000-04:00

Joel Derfner, the author of one of the widly funny Search for Love in Manhattan — let's see: imagine what if David Sedaris was a total slut — Derfner has published a new(ish) book, Gay Haiku. For proof of Derfner's brilliance, check out the book's prospectus, or the haiku below:

My seventh birthday;
I weep at Barbie's Dream House.
How could you not know?

This Week at PostSecret

2005-07-16T15:05:00.000-04:00

When Good Collage Goes Bad

2005-07-16T14:18:00.000-04:00

There's always a steady confluence of synchronicity around the rim of the Black Hole that is Dr. Johnson's Cat. These two links arrived almost simultaneously before they were sucked through and shot out Johnson's ass.

The first was Francesca Berrini's Unusual Cards, loosely grouped into categories such as "Land of the Giant Food," "Childhood Memories," "Days of the Dinosaurs" (from which I've lifted this picture), and "Pin-Ups." Original art and blank greeting cards available online and, presumably, at The Creation Museum ("Held hostage for nearly two-hundred years by the enemies of God, several dinosaurs are now free to set the record straight.....")The second site is "Hymn to Her," collages by Karen Whitehill, who has taken famous paintings of Jesus and other male figures from the Bible and replaced their heads with those of female film stars from the 30s through the 50s. So hard to choose which one to share with you, Dear Reader — Joan Crawford Wrestling with the Angel? Fay Wray in the Den of Lions? Deborah Kerr Calming the Storm? Olivia deHavilland Raising Lazarus? Lauren Bacall Riding into Jerusalem on an Ass? Maureen O'Hara Presiding Over the Dinner at Emmaus is certainly a hoot — but I went with a cliché, because, let's face it, it doesn't get more surreal than this.

Quote of the Day: Mark Pesce

2005-07-16T13:26:00.000-04:00

The future belongs to the fast, cheap and out-of-control.

Culture Wars, or Rout?

2005-07-16T10:44:00.000-04:00

Pope Benedict has reversed the Church's teaching on Harry Potter: "It is good that you enlighten people about Harry Potter, because these are subtle seductions which act unnoticed and by this deeply distort Christianity in the soul, before it can grow properly.""Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton, who has attacked violent video games as 'a silent epidemic' among children, said she wants a federal investigation into one of the most popular, 'Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas'.....In March, Clinton delivered a speech to the Kaiser Family Foundation in which she called media sex and violence 'a silent epidemic' among children, and sought federal research into how exposure to such graphic content affects young minds.

Hmmmm. Maybe Clinton, who supports the Iraqi war, should propose a federal investigation into the effects violence there has on US military personnel. (And while you're at it, have a look at the real America.)

Overheard (This Week) in New York

2005-07-16T10:38:00.000-04:00

Suit: Excuse me. You know, if you wouldn't stand in the doors, we could all get on and get off a lot faster.
Woman: Shut the fuck up, bitch.
A train, Jay Street station