Kicking and Screaming

Past time to start tracking this year's KwanzmasHanuEidSolsgiving, or, as the hell-bound insist on calling it, Happy Holidays.

Gus van Sant's video of Burroughs' reading his "Thanksgiving Prayer" was blogged to death this year, but you can still catch it here. Here are the words:

Thanks for the wild turkey and the passenger pigeons, destined to be shit out through wholesome American guts.

Thanks for a continent to despoil and poison.

Thanks for Indians to provide a modicum of challenge and danger.

Thanks for vast herds of bison to kill and skin leaving thecarcasses to rot.

Thanks for bounties on wolves and coyotes.

Thanks for the American dream, to vulgarize and to falsify until the bare lies shine through.

Thanks for the KKK.

For nigger-killin' lawmen, feelin' their notches.

For decent church-goin' women, with their mean, pinched, bitter, evil faces.

Thanks for "Kill a Queer for Christ" stickers.

Thanks for laboratory AIDS.

Thanks for Prohibition and the war against drugs.

Thanks for a country where nobody's allowed to mind the own business.

Thanks for a nation of finks.

Yes, thanks for all the memories — all right let's see your arms!

You always were a headache and you always were a bore.

Thanks for the last and greatest betrayal of the last and greatest of human dreams.

Headline #1: Religious right plans to talk to children about blowjobs and anal sex during the Macy's parade.

The Germans are obviously joining Rev. Billy in calling for a return to the true spirit of the holidays, but the US Post Office will have none of it. World O'Crap is even defending our Godless Post Office. What goes for Dover, PA goes double for him.

Headline #2: There's A Turd In My Ducken!

To catch the real spirit of the season, check out Rocketboom's Annual Christmas Special with Chris Christmas Rodriquez. Or join us in praying the words the Greek Anthology taught us:

Ζεῦ βασιλεῦ, τὰ μὲν ἐσθλὰ καὶ εὐχομένοις καὶ ἀνεύκτοις | ἄμμι δίδου· τὰ δὲ λυγρὰ καὶ εὐχομένων ἀπερύκοις.

Zeus the king, give us good things whether we pray for them or not, and keep evil things away from us even if we pray for them.